Aloha, all you Mokes, Hao’lis and Wahini’s out there! Although I returned from Hawai’i yesterday, I wanted to share with you how fit the life of a local can be.

Workout:
Duration: All day

Wake up:
-Bicep Curr: Hawaii 5-0: 50 reps curls, 50 shoulder presses, 50 squats, (weight varies depending how many palm fronds you use.), 50 synclined pushups, 50 dips

-Bicycurr: Ride bicycle to beach (Alternative is to drive: if you choose this, put yo seat back and do situps to techno music the whole way. People may think you’re having a seizure in your truck, but they’ll be mighty impressed when they see your abs.)

-Then comes Facing yo Furr:
Burn yo Furr: Walk as slowly as you can across the smolderingly hot sand to the ocean, before your feet burn off. Pain.
Swim real furr: Swim as hard as you can until you can’t. (This is actually a lot more difficult in Maui since the water is so warm and your muscles dont seize up as fast, thus making your workout longer.) Pain and Fear.
Flip off Thurr: Do flip variations until chicks either come up and talk to you, or start cheering you on. Then you go talk to them. Fear.

-Gain Melonurr: This is an all day activity. Sunburns may be the leading cause of skin cancer (who knows) but boy do they ever lead to a sweet ass tan. Even if you wear sunscreen, spend all day outside gaining melonin and getting black (did I really say that?).

-Play Volleyburr: This next part is simple: Drink beer, then burn off those calories you just gained by playing beach volleyball as hard as you can until 9 pm (There should be lights at the court). Don’t forget to take at least one moment to appriciate the beauty of the place you’re at! Hunger, Pain, & Fear of drunk guy taking you out from under the net.

-Mack Some Guurl: The bars are right across the street from the beach! If you “Played Volleyburr right, you shouldn’t even have to buy drinks from the place, as they’ll be costing you an arm and a leg.

-Don’t Die!: Riding your bike home at 1:30 am in Hawai’i is some dangerous s***. Tourists drive like maniacs, and locals can harass you. If you have friends, or know some girls at a resort nearby, this may be a better bet for you if your house isnt exactly on the beach.

Well, I hope this (very brief) guide will give you some insight as to how one may better themselves Island Style. See you at Kamaol’e Beach!
-Tap

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